Analysis of the "friend zone"

I the past couple years or so I have noticed a lot of talk of "the friend zone" in my Facebook newsfeed and a couple other places around the internet. It's a fairly popular term in today's world. And while I'm not really a huge fan of the term, I've seen a lot of people making generalized assumptions about the people who use it and I'm not really a big fan of that, either. So I decided I would just took a look at the term and try to release some of the tension going on.

The "friend zone" is the term used to refer to the situation where a person has unrequited romantic feels for someone that just thinks of them as a friend.

People who refer to themselves as being in the friend zone often express frustration over the following or similar things;

• The person they have feelings for getting involved with a person (or consecutive people) who, in the friend's opinion does not treat them right
• The person they have feelings for saying things like "I wish I could find someone more like you" or "you're like a brother to me"
• I can't really think of anything else right now

Now, let me just say this. I had feelings for a friend of mine for almost three years that were never reciprocated. I know it sucks to feel that way about someone who doesn't feel the same way, and it's especially hard to see the person you care so much about repeatedly getting their heart trampled on. So I definitely think there is a valid reason to be distressed there.

However, the misconception I often see people drawing from this is that the person in the friendzone is often nice to the person only to get in their pants, or that they think once they have done enough acts of kindness for somebody they are automatically entitled to a sexual reward. And if that is how someone sees it then yes, that is manipulative and very wrong. But most of the time it isn't the case at all.

When you have strong feelings for someone, you would do almost anything for them, because you just want them to be happy. And often doing everything for someone means doing very little for yourself, so it tends to make a person miserable. It's hard to put so much effort and selflessness into a relationship with someone you care deeply for and to know that they simply don't feel as deeply for you in return. You may wonder what is wrong with you, why they don't think you're worth it. As rational as you may be when it comes to other subjects, when your heart is mixed in it's hard to be constantly aware of the simple fact that they can't help not feeling that way about you, any more than you can help the fact that you do feel that way about them. The person may not have any conscious reason for not being romantically interested in you at all.

I will say that in my personal experience, about +95% of people who use the term "friend zone" are male, and most of the people who disagree with the term are women who see it as misogynistic, and as I said before, see it as indication that the men are only being nice to their female friends because they want to have sex with them. Personally I don't like the term because it vilifies the person you have feelings for and makes it seem like they are intentionally grieving or spiting you. So, here are my suggestions.

1. If you are only being nice to someone so they will have sex with you, stop it. You are an asshole.

2. If you think that everyone who says they're in the "friend zone" is a man who is only being nice to a woman because he wants to sleep with her, then that is presumptuous and sexist.

3. If you use the term "friend zone", stop it. The term for it is that you have unrequited feelings, stop trying to be so new-age about it.

4. If you do have feelings for one of your friends, tell them about it. That way they can give you an even response on how they feel in return, and if it isn't mutual you will know for sure and you will be more able to move on. And don't idolize them because that makes for an unhealthy relationship. And don't make them out to be a villain either, because obviously that doesn't help either.

5. Number four was going to be the last one but I'm just gonna say; if one of your friends tells you they have feelings for you and you don't feel the same way, don't make a big deal out of it. Though for crying out loud give them an answer. Just pretending it never happened is even worse then if you were to punch them in the face, because it means they won't be able to get over it and it will eat them alive.

Faith & Me

Faith is a big part of a lot of people's lives, and it kind of is in mine too but not really in the typical way. I do not consider myself to be religious, I do not affiliate myself with any particular set of beliefs. But I don't, by any means, hate religion. I don't believe people who believe in god are fools. I don't consider myself an atheist. I have a lot of respect for people who have faith, in some ways I really admire it. But sometimes people's beliefs can manifest themselves in ways that make others want to bash them with a brick that has "common sense" written on one side and "decency" on the other.

So I'm going to talk about a few of those.

First, people who believe their faith entitles them to more than others. I often if these people really even believe in the religion they claim to follow or if they just want an excuse to lord over others. There was a time when being spiritual was related to being enlightened. Now it's often associated with ignorance. People think that if they just talk loud enough and have a cross (or other religious symbol) to back them up, then they can get what they want. Then they get really upset when they're told that they are, in fact, not better than everyone else and should really stop pestering the other children because the teachers find it awkward trying to explain to everyone why you're so bossy and self-righteous.

Secondly, people who believe that anyone who does not follow their beliefs is automatically less moral than them. I'm not going to go into any examples or silly metaphors, because all I have to say on the point can be summed up fairly easily; I believe your morality should be based on how your actions effect others, not what you personally gain from them.

People who believe that it is okay to discriminate against people who are religious, because some religious people are jerks. That is bullshit. If one person of the fill-in-the-blank faith is an ass to you, that doesn't mean that everyone of all religions is a delusional psychopath, and believing that makes you just as much an ass as that old lady who cussed you out in public and threw a drink at you because you're gay/vegetarian/listening to heavy metal/carrying a decapitated goat head around. Being an atheist doesn't mean you're smarter or more sensible than others, just like being a Buddhist doesn't mean you have an above-average waist size.

People who believe that atheism is synonymous with "Satan worship". It's just silly. I mean, I can kind of see why people believe this. The world is divided up into the realms of God and Satan, and so if a person doesn't worship God that must be because they're devoted to the other, right? Nope. They don't believe in that guy either. If he showed up in their bedroom at night and instructed them to burn down an orphanage they'd just think they were dreaming and chuck their alarm clock at his head.

People who make their own religion look bad by crapping all over everyone and acting in direct opposition to the things they claim to believe in. This kind of ties into the first one, where I think a lot of these people just follow whichever set of beliefs because they see it as a way to get what they want and belittle everyone else. They're not strong enough to bully people physically and maybe not smart enough to manipulate people as effectively as they want, so they just default to the next main thing they think they can use to push others around. Unfortunately for them, people in the modern days aren't too keen on discrimination and their pseudo-faith doesn't end up being the Excalibur they were expecting.

And I guess that's the main pet peeves covered. As I said, I really don't dislike religious people at all or think that they are silly for their beliefs. I really admire the ability to experience unwavering faith in something. I just believe that a portion of them are full of shit and really just need to stfu for the good of us all.